This is one of my favorite sayings. I have this little voice that follows me around saying negative things and trying to put a negative filter in front of me. I like to picture a bad Gremlin from the movie Gremlins that is always trying to trip me up.When he gets the best of me I am pessimistic, and assume that the bad thing is always the thing that is going to happen. What I started realizing around the time I met my wonderful Husband (shocking coincidence I know) is that when you think something bad is going to happen, it probably will. You know why? Because you are looking for it, your brain is actually trying to bring that image into being.
I more than anyone understand that bad things happen and often to good people. However, can’t you think immediately of the one person in your office that never has anything positive to say? Nothing good is ever happening to them. All they ever want to talk about is the terrible experiences that they are having. I can, and I often wonder to myself whether they just need attention or if their capacity for happiness is now found in the negative.
Then I think how sad it is that someone has let the little Gremlin into their life so much that there is no sunshine in their life. Joy can only be found in pointing out other people’s faults, complaining about how other people make terrible decisions, gossiping and generally spreading their negativity around in hopes of gathering more Gremlins for their army.
My Gremlin is under a lot more control than he used to be. I used to let him ride on my shoulder wherever I went. He had an opinion on everything and told me how incapable I was of doing anything. He was like my best friend and he had a lot of influence over me. I remember when I really started to set better boundaries for my Gremlin.
There was a time when my best friend and I were living, working and commuting together. This is a lot for any relationship, but she and I are drastically different people. At the time we didn’t have the ability to communicate our feelings or chose not to. The little things about someone that you don’t love, but can live with become giant personality flaws when you are faced with them 24 hours a day. I am going to admit that I might not have been a picnic to live with in this situation. At any rate after many months of living together we were barely speaking and we will both tell you that our friendship was on the brink.
I remember complaining to my then Fiancé about her and all these giant personality flaws. It turns out my Gremlin had been talking in my ear, telling me how terrible all these very small things were and how I shouldn’t have to put up with it. All the while telling me how terribly easy going I was and that I was not being irrational that she should comply with all my house rules and not have any compassion for her needs in the situation. My ideas were clearly more logical and she just wasn’t thinking. What kind of friend thinks this? Well, I’ll tell you; someone who is listening very intently to their Gremlin. So, back to the story…I am complaining to Rob and he turns to me and says (I like to pretend he was talking to my Gremlin and not me in this situation) “Tristanne, she is who she is and either you love her and can deal with her quirks, or you can’t and you need to move on.”
On the surface that is very plain and simple and relationships aren’t simple. However, for me it was like punching my Gremlin in the face. I had been thinking about all these small insignificant things and then started expecting these “bad” behaviors to surface. The reality was they weren’t bad behaviors they were different from me and I chose to see the negative in it. I didn’t have the flexibility to deal with them and roll with the punches. I thought it was going to be negative and so that is what happened.
Time goes on and my best friend moves back home. I get some separation and I had started giving my Gremlin some etiquette lessons. So, I reach out to my Best Friend and mend the fence. We are still best friends and both of us sometimes reflect on this time and laugh about how we got ourselves into that mess. The best part is we found our way out.
You can control you Gremlin. Recognize your Gremlins voice and tell him how to think. Don’t let him take over your thoughts. If you see the world through a positive lens, life will be better. You don’t have to be a Pollyanna, you can be realistic and even sarcastic, but try to have some fun. You don’t get a single moment back.
At work I get teased a little bit for my loud laugh. I am loud, I try to be quieter, but not so much with my laugh. It might irritate other people, but I firmly believe we need more laughter at work. You are there for hours! You need to enjoy the time you are there. I am now infamous for using trivia at the start of my meetings. I was working this very long and difficult project and the team that was working with me was working really hard. When a project starts getting really difficult you need some levity to help people feel better and quite frankly it got people engaged.
I introduced it at first and no one wanted to participate. I just kept plugging along and pretty soon I was getting topic requests, and finally cheaters! People would pull up Google and search the answer to my questions. This had the absolute desired effect. People wanted to come to my calls because they would smile and be entertained. I like to think I run a good meeting, but this got them there.
That was over 3 years ago and people still ask me about my trivia. A little positive thinking and some fun will make a difference in more than your life.
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