Society is funny. We tout individuality and diversity, but everything about us craves uniformity. Think about it, when faced with something new do you feel anxious? Do you wish you could do something else, something more comfortable? It is in our nature to want sameness.
It seems to me the same applies to how we feel about ourselves. In our house we have labels for ourselves...I am Mrs. Responsibility and my husband is Captain Fun. Now initially you may think these are unfair labels and go into some mental tirade about why should the wife have to be Mrs. Responsibility and the man gets to have all the fun. BUT, before you go there understand what it really means.
It is in my husband's general nature to have fun. If he is faced with two choices regardless of what they are he is going to choose the more fun of the option even if its only infinitesimally more fun. He is capable and will choose the right option if necessary, but if right is not a consideration and only fun then FUN he will choose. Due to this trait in him, it is he who comes up with ideas for our family fun as well. We went to Disneyland because of him. Heck he is the reason we go anywhere besides our house really.
I on the other hand am, you guessed it Mrs. Responsibility. If faced with two options I am always going to choose the one that is the most practical and responsible choice. I am almost incapable of choosing the fun thing. Now the only twist on that theme is that I am happy to have fun, and willing to plan the fun, but somehow always twist some responsibility in there. Doesn't make sense? Well, let me explain. If I plan a party it is just that PLANNED. For the most part people will receive an invitation with an explanation of the event and what to expect. People will show up and have the event as advertised. While Rob has worked hard to help me find my improvising side, it is a hard fought effort and not always rewarding for me.
Now, with these two examples I then ask, if we know these things about ourselves why aren't we OK with it? I frequently find myself wishing that I got to be captain of fun. When I know that I would not be near as good at the job. My analyzing ways and lack of a care free attitude would severely dampen the expanse of fun that could be had. Practicality would win out and that really is a downer on the overall fun part of being Captain Fun. I am sure that some tiny side of my beloved Husband occasionally wants to be Mr. Responsibility, but let's face it that is not his forte and nor does he want it to be.
Why do we struggle with this? Why can't we accept that God made us who we are supposed to be and its our job to just cultivate that seed to its greatest potential. Well, I would say in my case it's my Brain's fault. It just won't shut up! Saying things like Why can't you do this, what's so hard about doing that? Why does he get to do that? Why can't you be more this? On and on it goes until you want to cry out "Why aren't I good enough?!!!"
I am here to tell you after almost 15 years of continually trying to improve myself, that the people in your life that you surround yourself with see through your feelings of inadequacy and lack of self worth. In fact most of them think about how they could be more like you in one way or another. You have an impact. You are important. You are God's purpose just as you are. The hard part is just remembering it once in a while.
Even harder is giving yourself a break and looking Mrs. Responsibility in the face and thinking...Man you are GOOD at being YOU!
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