Since my daughter was born I have read I love you forever to her. This book makes me tear up every time. almost eleven years later and it never fails. My daughter has no idea now what it means to me, but one day she will.
"i"ll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
When she was a baby the emotion that hits you so strongly when your child is born would overwhelm me at the words in the story. I was terrified and awed that for the rest of my life I would be thinking of this little bundle every minute of every day. It's a raw and powerful emotion when your child is an infant, so helpless and needing you. You rush to reassure them just as the pictures in the book portray.
Soon your child is a toddler and trying to set boundaries and become at least in small part the person they will be as an adult. This is where unconditional love is really defined for you. You see that lovable helpless child that needs reassurance that you will be there even when they push you away to try and find their own path. Even at 2 and 3 this is hard, you have to let them learn that things are hot or sharp or let them scrape their knees. You are there to console them or teach them, but no matter what you are there. Sometimes it's in those moments when you are deeply moved by something they do that you get choked up with emotion. The spontaneous hug and a kiss, that smile that melts your heart or their goofball antics in the bathtub.
Next she is approaching school age and we have never questioned our parenting more. Where do they go to school, how do you protect them from this brave new world? No one can possibly know how to shepard your child towards adolescence as well as you? right? You question yourself at every step. It suddenly seems like every decision you make is setting the groundwork for the rest of their lives and you are the one who can screw it up for them. They of course have no control or say in who they become. We think we are God-like in that way as parents.
Kids of course are oblivious little creatures and thrive where they are planted mostly. In spite of anything we might think. But you love them fiercely and do your best, but they still grow and continue to grow and push and develop.
Somehow in the blink of an eye you are facing what I like to think of as the gates of hell. Tween-hood. Your child is going crazy and they don't like it anymore than you do. They want to be loved, held and coddled, while at the same time allowed to do things that they are clearly not ready for. Their bodies are taking over and their brains are disconnected. You ask them what they were thinking and the really do not know, but that doesn't make you any less aggravated with them. Then in a few minutes of clarity they hug you and thank you for doing something or just look at you and smile or text you a note that says:
"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my Mommy you'll be."
Then you cry for happiness and for love and for the hope that all these worried decisions have helped shape a kid who is willing to send that kind of message. Maybe we are doing at least one or two things right...
All too soon she will be a teen, then onto college and making her own life and her own memories. Rob and I will be proud and wistful, but I think we will always have this story to squeeze our hearts and remind us of those moments that make you choke up just at the sight of the words on a page.
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